just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
