This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
