I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize