it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
