He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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