i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
