im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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