wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
