Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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