If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
