my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
