Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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