He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
50% drunk capacity currently
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
