So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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