so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
