spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
