You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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