with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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