i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
