well I can't set my house on fire every night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you win again, gameday.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
