I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
