Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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