My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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