my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
