I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
