I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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