Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
