i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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