I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
