Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
