Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
