Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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