i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
