My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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