And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
