i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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