Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
