Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
