I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she pinky promised me she was 18
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
