Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
