Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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