He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Text me some of your sweat
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
