Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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