I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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