you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
