I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize