why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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