Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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