moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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