Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
