my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
