My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
