Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
