I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
