hotel room ftw
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
