you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
