True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
