I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
