Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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