Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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