just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize