if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
