Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
