i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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