He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
