why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
