Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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