escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wear drunk well.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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