dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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