My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
