I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
