don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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