he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
