You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
