the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
