her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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