Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
