you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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