I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
