i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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