On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
