it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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