there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
