She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
