I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh god it's open bar.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
