True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
