I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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