"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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