i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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