I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
